From the outside looking in there is a misconception that dommes have penis envy and a simmering hatred of men. Maybe there are some out there that do? But I don’t think it’s the norm. There are pro-dommes that offer humiliation, who will verbally and mentally rip you to shreds if that is what you want. And there in lies the key…. What you “want”. Consensual play. Play being the operative word. A humiliatrix will destroy your ego because that is where her bliss is. She shares that kink, and will amplify that part of her skills to enhance the session. I do mild humiliation, but I have respect for the subs that come to see me. They are willingly offering up their bodies for destruction. I am often softened by their vulnerability, and so to be aggressive and vile to them is something I would have to force. It would be a fake performance. So, I do not advertise myself as that kind of dominatrix. I like to remain authentic. I do what I do, and I enjoy those areas of BDSM.
I do not hate men. I like them. A lot. Apart from a few exceptions, I have never had to deal with misogynistic attitudes or been mistreated by men. Men amuse me they always have, I have an evil sense of humour and am more than a match mentally. I know how much men like to bait us ladies with antiquated attitudes towards equality. I’m hard to offend, it is often funny, but I always take the bait, can’t help it. I know when someone is joking and when someone is not. A man that thinks women belong in the kitchen should rethink that attitude…. because that is where the knives are kept!
Now doing this kind of role, overall I only attract respectful messages and kind words. Men are never rude or unpleasant, again only a few malignant exceptions, I count myself lucky. So why would I hate men? My brand of domination is nurturing and fun. The element of cruelty has a purpose. It is bringing the submissive to a sense of euphoria. It is painful but playful. I am delivering a positive experience. It is only those on the outside, with no comprehension of the depth of possibilities that exist in BDSM play, that would look at me and see a man hater. Ignorance, lack of information and fear of the unknown would understandably skew anyone stumbling across BDSM for the first time. I could almost forgive it, because ultimately I pity those who don’t understand BDSM, as it may well mean they do not understand themselves yet. Judgemental attitudes are everywhere, (and that is a whole different blog post!) so just be open minded because like “Wonderland” not everything is as it seems.
There are so many reasons any potential submissive should do his (or her) research. Find out all you can about your chosen domme before you contact her. I cannot emphasise this enough. We operate at different levels of intensity, different energies and motivations. We vary in a hundred different ways when you look at us in detail. We’re like chocolate… you love chocolate… there are thousands of brands all with the same label “Dominatrix”. Some are sweet, some are bitter. Some have added flavours, some have added chunks. Some come in small boxes, with a limited offering. Some are a selection box with an array of tasty options to choose from. And some have that extra layer that just makes you into a glutton.
So, educate yourself, learn, and dip your toe in the dark pool. There’s free chocolate!!! (there isn’t mwhahahaha ). You might have to try a few flavours before you can even work out which is your favourite. But when you find it, and you hit the sweet spot, you are no longer lost, you are truly found.